Whatever else may be said about this strategy, it has undeniably worked, and unlike many newspapers The Gatshire Gazette has seen its circulation figures rise in the last few years. A copy of today’s issue lies on the coffee table (‘Dear Sir, If coffee is such an alien item in the British household, why do we talk of such things as a “coffee table”, and not a “ tea table”?’; ‘Dear Sir, At last one of the coffeemongers has said something sensible. We do indeed talk of such things as a “coffee table”. A coffee-table book is a book for people who can’t read’) at which I’m sitting. It’s just been delivered, so I’ve not yet had the chance to look through it all. The front page lead is:

(thanks to a tip-off from what from the photograph appears to be either a very short man with abnormally angular ears or a small boy with a comic mask). I can look forward to reading the articles ‘Council Reveals Locust Invasion Contingency Plans’, ‘Decision On Bypass Decision Date Postponed Yet Again’, and ‘Bishop Blesses Local Bookies’. At the back, in the sports section, we learn that ‘The Weasels’ have signed a new forward; perhaps he will help them in their quest to avoid relegation, though this seems unlikely given that they have now gone twenty games without a win.