CONNEXIONS
CHAPTER 6
'STREET', 'GOLD' AND 'ENGLAND'S CAPITAL' ARE ALL IN THIS FOR YOU HERE
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CHAPTER 6
'STREET', 'GOLD' AND 'ENGLAND'S CAPITAL' ARE ALL IN THIS FOR YOU HERE
1/5
When the rumour reached our village that the streets of the capital were paved with gold, there was much debate, as the sole extant fragment from a play of an unestablished date by an anonymous local dramatist (some experts think Gail Yane was responsible, but the evidence is inconclusive) illustrates:
MR COOPER:
The story’s oft by travelling merchants told,
That the streets of London town are paved with gold,
But till I see the place with my own eyes
I shan’t be sure if this be truth or lies.
MRS COOPER:
I’ll tell you now, my dear: ’tis total rot
To say the streets are golden. They are not,
But caked in layers of horse dung thick and deep,
From which there comes a stench as strong and steep
As to be smelt from twenty miles away,
And even further on a windy day.
MISS BALL:
How right you are; one must concur with you;
This rumour simply just does not ring true.
The reason’s one of practicality
And people’s glister-led mentality.
For if the streets with gold they tried to pave,
They’d fail, for some thieving, wicked knave
Would steal the slabs the instant they were laid
And have them into coins or jewell’ry made.
And where on earth, I ask, could there be found
Sufficient gold to cover all the ground
Upon which England’s capital is built
And make its roads not grey with dirt, but gilt?
MRS COOPER:
The only ‘guilt’ on London’s streets of muck
Is that borne by the hooker and the crook,
The bawd, the fraud, the harlot and the charlatan.